Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Speedy Graduation

Speedy graduated University. Hurray!

Congratulations! Speedy!

Violinist arrived to join us at Convocation but couldn't find us. We had three seats upfront with a walkway directly behind us. Geek Guy went looking for Violinist and just then a woman tightly wrapped in lime tinfoil mini-dress, orange foundation - or maybe that was spray-tan - ratted bleached hair, painted everything, Cleavage - Lots of SunDamaged Cleavage - showed up. She carried a lovely bouquet of flowers, as if to make it all better.

Mutton-Dressed-Like-Lamb, accompanied by two young bleating sheep, tried sniping our seats. "Mutton should have Violinist's seat. Mutton is a parent," they loudly bleated. To which I replied, "These are taken. That is Violinist's seat. This is GG's seat. We've been here for an hour, just like the invitations say to do."

A nicely dressed ordinary looking woman seated at row's end, next to Violinist's seat smirked. I turned toward the front. Push. Push. Mutton pushed her shiny way toward Violinist's seat. Bleat. Bleat. She was a mother so she should sit there.



A breath later GG with Violinist stood behind me. GG is one of those engineer types and women generally fall all over Violinist. Between the two of them, I figured they'd straighten it out. I continued to act disinterested. Mutton and her sheep rebleated their opinions. GG and Violinist stated the facts. And then it happened.

Another woman in the next section behind us stood up offering her spare seat to Violinist.
Mutton plunked herself down.
Violinist rolled his eyes and took the spare seat.
GG squiggled past the woman on the row end, around Mutton's orange knees and squeezed in beside me.

"Make it uncomfortable...if that's possible," I nudged Geek Guy.
"What do you mean?"
"Try clipping her knees with your honking camera lens."
"I can't do that."
"You manage to do stuff like that every other time by accident. Try doing it on purpose."
"I can't do that. It would not be kind."
"Then just mash her flowers."
GG gave me an exasperated look.

Nine minutes into convocation, Mutton squiggled and wiggled herself away, disappearing for the remainder of the program. An hour later, Violinist reclaimed his seat and afterward reported spotting Mutton loading up at the refreshment table. "I walked straight toward her," he said, "I didn't take my eyes off her, but she slinkied away."

8 comments:

Patricia said...

Congratulations! Speedy!

Aren't people funny! "Just mash her flowers." LOL!!!!

Awesome photos!

Adeena said...

Yay! Congrats Speedy! :D

"Mutton-dressed-like-lamb"... XD Totally hilarious. Is it bad that I can picture the poor woman from your description? ;)

I would've mashed her flowers, too.

Caution Flag said...

This post is priceless- absolutely priceless. Love the descriptions! And congratulations to all of you for supporting Speedy's academic pursuits.

Mental P Mama said...

Yay Speedy! And I think you were far too nice to mutton.

Sue said...

You are too funny! I don't think I'll be able to get that image of "mutton-dressed-like-lamb" out of my head for the rest of the day. Not sure I should thank you for that.

Congratulations to speedy!!

Gill - That British Woman said...

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall. It seems like so many years since we attended the kids' convocations.

Tell Speedy well done, what are his plans now?

Gill

Decadent Housewife said...

Gill,
Stay tuned for what Speedy does next. ;)

Fairy Mae said...

Hahahaha...you had me at lime tin-foil dress!! Thanks for the read!