Sex and Drugs and Volunteers

Decadent Housewife, recently got to utilize the Canadian Health Care System (Bow Down and Kiss the Earth.) This time she both successfully got to keep her appointment and dodge moose and barmaids whooping it up in the main co-ed pre-op waiting room, plus have a few giggles with two very nice ladies and one distinguished grandfatherly-like gentleman, all of us modelling the latest OR patient wear.

A volunteer seemed to particularly cling to me though, and I was wanting to read my Katharine Hepburn, but - could - not - shake - her - off. She also had some lunch stuck between her teeth and since I'd been kept NPO - nothing to eat or drink - it made me a little cross-eyed. I wondered if somebody there reads this blog, therefore, up on my general opinion of the Canadian Health Care System (Bow Down and Kiss the Earth) and their Adult Day Surgery antics - had assigned a volunteer to me as a sort of hospital mole. "Show your teeth and shut her up." In any case, as you can see, it didn't work.

As in a previous adventure, upon return from the OR recovery, Decadent got to share a room with a man. Yes, it's true. Now I'm well aware we all get to share the same Recovery Room - just like nursery occupants - but when cognizance kicks in - it should be separate rooms, at least it used to be that way. But said man's wife was present, so I felt somewhat safe, and too, he had been drugged, which of course could be either a good or bad thing. Anyhow, during my time, this nonsense of women and men sharing hospital rooms would have shaken the very foundations of the hospital.
I recall a huge flap when a young couple shared his hospital room overnight, during his extended illness. "Uh, excuse us," they said, "but we're married and he has a private room. Goodnight and see ya' in the morning." Every night, we would tape "Do Not Disturb" to their door and in the morning, at change of shift, the wife would greet both us, at the desk, and the Sisters getting off the elevator clucking and shaking their heads in moral disgust. However, one little nun, would just grin and nod. She was also the sister who tried to set me up with a fix-it guy from engineering who apparently couldn't figure out how to do that for himself.

This last adventure went quite well overall. We were not marched out onto public display and forced to ride an elevator with visitors, smirking med students, cleaning ladies with buckets and embarrassed CEO's. Rather, we were escorted to a quiet elevator and led down a back hall - all very discreet. I was shocked. Just like the old days. Almost. During those golden years, patients checked in the previous afternoon, for a test the following day and we trolleyed them down somewhere into the bowels of the hospital on a stretcher, giving the occupant the option of at least shielding themselves from the odd passerby by pulling a sheet up and over their face or with a carefully positioned forearm. Not today.

The fun began with Nurse Nasty, upon return to my co-ed room. I told her I would not use the same washroom at my matie and could I please walk down the hall to use the women's washroom? Nurse Nasty stared, "What year were you born?" quickly adding, "What day is it?" Now I once was a neuro nurse and we asked people stuff like this all the time, but I don't really think Nurse Nasty was testing my coherence or lack of it. Unlike what Nurse Nasty attempted to imply, I felt I was completely within my wits - drugged or no. I was not about to go pee in a washroom that could not be locked, with a drugged half-naked strange man outside the door. Thank you.
Sometime after returning from the hall washroom, a bag stuffed with my clothing was dumped at my feet while Nurse Nasty efficiently said she would not allow me to go and wait for GG to meet me in the main lobby. I must have told her this was the plan as she seemed to know all about it and outright dismissed me saying two hours was far too long to sit and wait. "It's fun down there," I protested, "Timmies - balloons - people - music - waterfalls - comfy chairs. And all within ear and eye shot of radiology." I was actually looking forward to watching other people marched around in their pj's, OR booties and bare - faces. I'm a writer, we look for things like this. "Besides, I still have the lunch voucher you guys gave me the last time I was here, when you canceled my appointment after I waited three hours, remember?" No. I was not allowed. Nurse Nasty said so. She left the room and returned with two digestive cookies.

Nurse Nasty: "We can't have a volunteer wasting her time babysitting you down there." NOoooooo. I would have to wait by her desk perched in an equally nasty purple chair.
Nurse Nasty: "It's our policy; you must be met by someone at the door and with a volunteer. Can't you call someone else?"
Decadent Housewife: "Well there's my son...I think he may be between classes."
So, I called Speedy but I don't think Nurse Nasty believed me because she would not leave it alone and like laundry she kept hanging around.
Nurse Nasty: "You know, you aren't covered by insurance if you drive today."
Decadent Housewife: "I hate driving in your traffic on a good day, I'm hardly about to drive in it after doing drugs. All I want is to have fun, like everybody else, waiting for GG, downstairs, in the rotunda, watching people get ticked off with that stupid revolving door in the entrance...who thought that one up anyway?"

While waiting for Speedy and ignoring Nurse Nasty's wicked glares, I devised a plan for future use. One that would keep everybody happy. Pretend to go use the women's washroom back in the main waiting room. Spy out any decently dressed young man and ask him if he wants to make twenty bucks. Return to the nurse's desk, sit in the tatty purple chairs waiting for "my volunteer friend" to come pick me up and escort me downstairs to the circus. Buy him a Timmies, pay him his twenty bucks and sit back and watch the show. About the time I finished this daydream I noticed Speedy standing in front of me, bike helmet in hand.
Nurse Nasty: "He came to get you on a bicycle?!"
Decadent Housewife: "He's a student. What do you think he drives?"

(Now that the drugs have worn off, I see that my alternative plan is probably not such a good idea and promise not to try this. Really. Ever.)

How To Line A Cake Pan

The pan ring in the photo above is actually upside down. I've cut and fitted a double piece of brown paper for the ring and am about to fold that bit of paper over to the pan outside. Mais, this is how Decadent Housewife lines her cake pans. Before showing how to make that blueberry cheesecake beckoning us, over in the sidebar - Heeeeere Wolfie, Wolfie - I thought I'd explain how and why I lined the cake pans.

It always was an annoyance of mine that every time I baked a cheesecake, I could detect a slight metallic taste where the batter was in contact with the cake pan. Why tinniness was present, I do not know, except that I put lemon in the batter and there was likely some chemistry going on there with acid snuggled up against metal. I don't bake a crust with my cheesecake. How to solve this? Line the pan with paper. I tried waxed paper, but could still detect metal. Usually cake pans are lined with paper so the cook can later pry the thing out without resorting to a chisel of some sort. I needed to create a barrier against some funky chemical changes.I have two pans here, both with removable bottoms lined with a double layer of lightweight brown paper. This paper actually came from a florist shop - I asked and they said, "Sure." Gratis. The larger pan is a spring form - meaning a lever on the side releases the ring and the cake is set free that way. The little pan does not have a lever to expand the cake side. The bottom simply slips down from top and fits into the ring that way.

In the past I have cut the paper to fit the bottom leaving an allowance which I then would press upward against the sides, sort of fluted like. I would then cut the paper for the pan ring flush with the pan bottom and place the paper ring into the pan. However, no matter how carefully I poured in the batter, the paper from either the bottom or side would still float into the batter and I would have to dig out pieces of it lodged into the cake. Since I didn't use a baked crumb base, it didn't make a pretty cake.
Now I do this. Measure and cut paper to fit the pan ring and bottom, leaving a wide extra allowance for both. I cut beyond the tracing by a good inch or more. I also doubled this particular paper for this cake as the paper seemed a tad thin. I liked using it so much though, that I'm going to go back to the store and ask to buy some. I noticed just yesterday, the ladies in the gift shop too, were using the same paper to wrap breakables. When you have pieces cut for both the ring and the bottom, place the paper over the ring and bottom interiors and fold the excess paper over to the outside. In the photo below, the spring form pan is flipped upside down. The paper band for the ring is already in place and the extra width folded over it's bottom edge to the outside. The pan bottom is likewise already covered with the paper and it's excess is folded over to the pan exterior. We can see the excess paper in this photo below like seam allowances inside a garment. I am beginning to lightly press the pan bottom into place in the ring.When you go to fit the bottom into the ring, for the springform pan, turn it upside down. With the pan bottom and pan ring upside down, gently press the pan bottom, into the pan ring from the bottom, feeling for the indentation into which the pan bottom will fit. Work the bottom into place and then close the lever securing the two pieces together.

The pan interior is now smooth except for a few eased in folds on the ring. The eased in folds on the ring could be eliminated by cutting shorter lengths of paper rather than two strips as I did here. You can just see the ring paper joins between my thumb and pointer finger and then to the lower right of the photo below. I was planning to ice this cake so didn't take time to cut smaller strips. Any design left by the easing folds would be hidden by icing.The little pan does not operate with a lever to release the side. Therefore, it is shown above, right side up and I am gently easing it's pan bottom down inside the pan ring from the top, keeping the excess paper to the outside. Go ahead and trim up the excess if it bothers you. I butter the paper before pouring in the batter and the pans have not leaked yet. And no, the paper sticking out from the pan bottom did not catch fire either. I first test the paper I'm using by tossing some of it into a pan and into the oven. Since lining the pans this way, the metal flavour is gone and my cheesecake sides look far better than previously - should I leave them plain, pat on a crumb coating or ice them.

Speedy Scores A Goal

Speedy sped in after finals and then out again last week for an important interview with Advancing Canadian Entrepreneurship - ACE. He got the position he was hoping for and another position too! Hurray Speedy! I knew he would. Speedy is like that. Determined. Organized. Unfazed. After all, he took up ice hockey at his late age. Decadent was a bad Canadian mother and did not put her little boys into hockey - the teeth - the equipment for all those growing little boys - the five a.m. practices. Congratulations Speedy!

(Photo by GG. Decadent Housewife was trying to keep her buns warm on the other side of the rink.)

Tender Moments

I will be your forever friend - and we won't tell, The Cat.

Belated Earth Day

Belated Earth Day. Earthday.ca says, "Providing Canadians with the practical knowledge and tools...to lessen their impact on the environment. Simple actions, big impact." Ha! C'est moi, alright. Siberian Squill, in Decadent Housewife's Big Old Messy Garden - organic, uncultivated, naturally fertilized (The Cat et. al) naturally mulched, naturally watered. Ignored, neglected, forgotten. How simple is that? I didn't even fool around with Photoshop, not that I would know how to anyway.

Early Spring Orchard

The lane way by the apple orchard looks peaceful now, but when we were young and stupid and didn't have to pay for gas, we would rip through here on anything with wheels - didn't matter - tractors, pick-ups, cars, dirt bikes. The only caveats were a few black muck corners. One could easily bog down a foot and a half and be quite stuck in a matter of minutes. I like to walk back here and from the Carolinian bush at the rear, pull wild leeks for soup, collect walnuts in the fall - paint the summer's Crows Feet.

Easy Avocado Pita Pocket

The great thing about pita pockets are the variety of fillings which can be used to make a quick easy, nutritious meal. Leftover vegetables, meats, salad fixings, a bit of warmed creamed potato, cheeses - the list is endless. This particular one shown is vegetarian. Last week, I roasted two whole chickens in the crockpot and when cooled, made pockets with slices of chicken for Fun and Buff. GG had some homemade sausage mixed with crumbled bacon, leftover from pizza making. I spread some of that along with other toppings onto a pocket for Buff and he loved it, asking that we keep it on hand for his pitas. If I have run out of cottage cheese I'll mash the avocado directly onto the pita, instead of placing the slices on last. When I do this I'll include some slices of white cheddar or mozzarella, adding them last. If I'm adding sliced meat, I'll usually skip adding the brown rice.
Spread on some cut up tomato, diced or sliced. It's a good idea to take a slice off one end of the tomato and gently squeeze the juice out. Squeeze it into a container to be used for something else. Add some thinly sliced red onion.
Sprinkle on a favourite seasoning and/or lightly squeeze some lime juice over. This happens to be a salad and vegetable mix which is freshly ground over the food. I got it in our local grocery store, however, my favourite is a hot spicy chicken seasoning with lemon which I found in Toronto. I can't get it where we live and gave mine to One Old Man, as it has very little salt. He enjoys it sprinkled onto shredded cucumbers and carrots and his entrees. Next I'll sprinkle on a bit of zip-locked tossed salad - a mix of red leaf lettuce, romaine, broccoli, shredded carrot, green onion with some sliced mini-cucumbers. Add a quarter of an avocado, sliced up. Heat up in the microwave. Fold the bottom up and then wrap in the sides. Wrap a paper towel around the bottom and enjoy lunch!

Peacock Blue Promenade

"Peacock blue? Do you have anything peacock blue?" On the heels of my Mother of the Groom dress dilemma and being asked to make a bridal veil, I have been asked to make a teen's prom vest. I pulled from my stash, what might work - a cut up saphire and black brocade - another, silver and blue with turquoise and a bolt of black satin. The saphire was a 1980 something bodice, which got no further than tailor tacks. Could I finagle a way to salvage it? The silver was a unanimous "NYET" - too sparkly - too Queen Elizabeth. A day later a delicious little swatch of silky material showed up - a glowing greeny blue - this would have been Cleopatra's eye colour - with burnished soft green on the wrong side. Gorgeous. GG is now moaning that Decadent Housewife has to go off to the fabric store once again. I measured the teen this morning, "Put the toast down, Buff, and quit puffing out your chest."

Roll Kuchen and Wedding Veils

It never occurred to me, that one day I would have this out again because someone here wants one too - Violinist's Fiance, who is hereby now known as, Roll Kuchen (Roll the R, sound the Ch like a K) has asked me to make her wedding veil. Isn't that sweet of her? Making the veil part isn't a lot of work. I made mine in about half an hour, ten hours before my wedding and had to chase GG home so I could get the thing done. I once made ten of them in an afternoon, for a "L'il Abner" production. It was the nasty, kleenex flower headpieces that took so much time - I kid you not. In theatre it's whatever works.
For my veil, I wanted a pencil edging, but at two in the morning, thought it wiser to skip fooling around with that, as there would be no time to head off to the store for more tulle if I botched it. It only just occurred to me this week that had I botched the pencil edging - a tiny zig-zag set at a short stitch length - it could easily have been trimmed off. Sometimes I'm a little slow, I admit. Seeing the veil now, I'm glad it has no edge - it's softer and prettier without. The tulle cost about six dollars back in 1980 something. Roll Kuchen will get hers for even less, as the price of tulle has come down for some reason - that is synthetic tulle. I'll show how I make Roll Kuchen's veil after the wedding.

Chicken Soup?

The other evening I hopped into the van and noticed the rear passenger seat catapulted up against the front passenger seat. A HUGE box lay where the seat should have been bolted to the floor.
"What's this?" I asked GG.
"Violinist's chicken box."
"Pardon, me?"
"Violinist's chicken box."
"For?"
"Chickens."
"And?"
"He thinks he is going to raise chickens behind The Shop from Hell."
So Friday, after Good Friday morning service, when some children were scampering about hunting eggs, Violinist and Med Student Friend had a good workout in Walter from The Winery's backyard, attempting to capture chickens with their box trap and a fishing net. After which, they carted their chickens home in Decadent Housewife's van and after which, they set loose in GG's Shop from Hell.

The Cat, most disturbed by these latest intruders to her domain, sat howling all the first two nights at the back door, while Jet and Bess stared at her, flicking their tails and giving small, well timed hisses, "Serves you right, Missy, for treating us the way you have all winter. Hissss." The next morning I braved a peek into the Shop from Hell and saw two roosters cuddled up with one chicken behind some machine sequestered out there which GG uses to sharpen my kitchen knives. I will remind him to just stick with the wet stone.
"Violinist, do you realize that you can't raise livestock in Town?"
"Yeah, but I can raise them here."
"Do you realize that your so called chickens are actually two roosters and one chicken?"
"Yeah, but it was a deal. Walter from The Winery didn't need them anymore, and the chicken lays an egg a day."
"Violinist, did you forget you are moving out soon and that chickens take work and it isn't going to be moi?"

Med Student Friend and Violinist spent Easter Monday morning making crepes, but not with any eggs they found in The Shop from Hell. Instead they fed the birds 2.49/lb. seedless grapes and thoughtfully cleaned out my vegetable crisper of rotten red peppers and talked about killing the roosters, but neither of them can bring themselves to do the deed and I'M not about to get out there and show them how it's done. So. The plan is this. One night in the dark. The dark, dark, dark, when it is forecast to be a dark and stormy night - anyway, under cover of darkness, Violinist is going to recruit Buff, sneak over to Madame Le Francais' chicken coop, throw the roosters and hen over her fence into her chicken run, hopefully not create a Bremen Town Musicians brouhaha and then run like chickens themselves, the heck out of there.

I, Decadent Housewife will hear all about it when Madame telephones with the latest barnyard gossip, "Someting upset the chicken last night and this morning, Pierre find two stray rooster and a hen. By the way, I have four dozen egg, you want them?" I will walk over, buy her beautiful free range eggs, examine her latest lovely handmade quilt and ask, "So. What do you plan to do with your new chickens?"

Decadent Guacamole

Daily Decadent Guacamole
Mix up all of the below and use in pita pockets, taco wraps, chip and vegetable dips, sandwiches or salads.

• 1 diced tomato - Drain off the juice when you chop, but it's okay to keep the seeds.
• 1/2 - 1 finely diced red onion
• 2 stalks of green onion, chopped
• 1 ripe avocado, mashed
• juice of 1 lime
  
• a few big dollops of cottage cheese which has been thoroughly creamed with a blender (optional)
• a pinch of salt or to taste
• a pinch of cayenne or to taste

Posting a Guacamole recipe is kind of right in there with a Canadian farm girl explaining how to cut up a pineapple. Did I even know limes existed before I was married?California Auntie introduced me to avocados when I was sixteen, and then, all she did was show a pit anchored with three toothpicks in a glass of water. I'd already been traumatized the previous night after scarfing my uncle's Fire Ball fish bait thinking it was Maraschino Cherries. I still did not know what the avocado tasted like or did, except apparently grow a lovely twist of green from the bare pit. Previous to that, avocado referred to a kitchen appliance colour. All those oopey greens so popular today? - I was there the first time they came through. Reminds me of squished caterpillar - sorry. We happen to live in an agricultural area of Canada with a heavy Mexican migrant worker population. Hence our grocery stores are filled with foods indigenous to that culinary culture. Excellent little original Mexican eateries have sprung up. Some - completely word of mouth - a lady who caters to only the greenhouse workers. So unless you have a teen working in the cukes to save for school, you are out of luck. No Taco Bell for miles. We have the real thing. Outside the grocery store, GG and I once feasted on cactus snuggled into a wonderful piqant sauce served in a warm wrap, purchased from a mobile vendor. The next week she was gone, much to our disappointment. My mother fed her babies, roast beef, mashed potatoes and applesauce. Broccoli was considered exotic when it showed up in grocery stores - I was fourteen. I feed my babies tacos and enchiladas. I don't pretend this guacamole is anything spectacular. But it works for us and is about the same as what we can get in the local genuine Mexican eateries. To make it stretch, and smooth out the flavours, sometimes I add a few big dollops of cottage cheese that has been creamed with a hand held blender. Others might choose to use sour cream but I'm always looking to cut calories and fat, so I substitute the whipped cottage cheese. Nevertheless, GG and I made ourselves fat and happy eating this stuff last summer during the Beijing summer Olympics. He was on afternoon shift. I would make the dip, chill it and when he got home, we would sit up all night eating Guacamole and chips and saying things like, "Aren't you glad we have air conditioning?"

The Unexpected

This morning Violinist awoke me before my alarm, "Fun ran out of oil. I took him to work. The van is stuck on the roadside. Take me to work and Buff and you can go fix the other van."
"Why isn't Buff off to school?"
"He has poison ivy or something."
Upon which I leapt out of bed and saw a notice taped to Buff's bedroom door, "Poison Oak and it sucks!" Hmmm. Better talk to him about his language. So. Off we all went and I, to The Great Canadian Auto Parts store to buy some motor oil, having first decided to not disturb the new residents in The Shop from Hell by looking for oil and having left my baby babysitting the broken van alongside the road, so no efficient person would call a tow-truck on us in the meanwhile.

At the Great Canadian Auto Parts store, a clerk brightly greeted me, "Good Morning! How is your day today?" to which I replied, "Just fine thanks - I always come to the Great Canadian Auto Parts store by 8:15 in the morning, in the pouring rain, to buy car junk." Back I traveled to Buff. With transports zipping past a mere two feet away,we poured oil down the gullet of the lovely van and when that didn't work, tried jumper cables.
"Mom, just touch the plastic," warned Buff.
"Don't scratch, Buff, you'll make it worse."
But the van resisted, unlike Buff who stood rubbing his face and neck and scratching his arms and kicking his legs. I was glad it was raining - it made me think we were less obvious.

I left a note in the van window, "Tow Coming" and felt like adding what Buff did on his note but resisted, and called GG and said, "Remember - I won't tow this baby." And then I dialed the doctor and surprise, surprise, the rottweiler at the desk barked, "Come right in." We spent another forty-five minutes at the pharmacy upon which I finally went in to retrieve Buff and find out what the heck was going on, but we left before they filled the script as I had an appointment at the auto shop for the van I was driving. And since the auto shop had no record of the appointment in their book and Buff was about beside himself scratching, I said, "I've had enough of cars today, we'll rebook this, okay?" And the nice tall mechanic smiled and said that was fine with him.

Buff and I drove home after getting his drugs, which initiated an enlightening conversation about steroids and bodybuilding and how it's not a very good idea to pull off branches of Poison Sumac and burn it to keep warm when camping in the bush. We passed the stalled van still on the roadside and California Auntie called, on my cell, because our land line is down. So I told her, "talk fast!" Buff fixed pita pockets for lunch, but I declined on account of the steroids on his fingers and he is now soaking in an oatmeal bath. I went outside to relax in the rain, and noticed how Bess unexpectedly poked her little face into the frame of the photo above. Hopefully, tomorrow, we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming.

More on MOG Dress Front

For one mad moment (okay, a whole day, spent cruising the net) I considered a saphire Delphos gown for the MOG dress ordeal, completed with a lovely dappled silk chiffon cape held together with little enamel or mother of pearl beads, since all the women are wearing dresses, but reconsidered what all those tiny pleats would do to a MOG who is no longer her svelte eighteen year old self. Although! Although! Let it be known! I have managed to drop 15 pound-eroos and all without loosing my temper too! Oh. You want to hear about that too? Sigh. Chickens hiding in The Shop from Hell and weight-loss how to - I'll get to all of it later.

And then there was the problem of getting the silk just the right colour messing around with all those dyes and of course nobody knows how Fortuny did all those itty bitty pleats anyway. And to get the right effect you are supposed to let the hem kinda' puddle on the floor - dahling. I would likely trip when moi et MOB go up to the church front and light some candles. I mean, I even dispensed with trains for my own wedding dress, to prevent such things from happening away back then, when I wasn't holding any lit matches and candles. So. Decadent Housewife is now thinking suits, however she does not want to look like a wannabe bridesmaid either, which could easily happen if she went too much Dupioni and too much periwinkle Dupioni. What to do?! I need a fairy godmother. Right Now!

Clothespeg Boy

I'm off to The City this morning and thought I'd leave you with this - and the chicken and two roosters Violinist has had holed up in The Shop from Hell all weekend. Oh. You want to hear about that? Later. If anything, my men are all strong willed. Ciao. I'm out of here.

Happy Easter Day!

Joyful, joyful we adore thee!
God of glory, Lord of love;
hearts unfold like flowers before thee,
opening to the sun above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness;
drive the dark of doubt away.
Giver of immortal gladness,
fill us with the light of day!(Old postcard found amongst family papers. Lyrics: Henry Van Dyke. Music: Ludwig van Beethoven)

Good Friday

And Amen.

Garlic Bread Twists

Bread twists with parsley flecks used to be available at our local discount grocer. But they, along with wheat-berry and raisin, whole wheat buns disappeared long ago. No fear. I'll do it myself, and improve them with the addition of garlic. This batch doesn't look very twisty, but I let myself get hung up in a phone call and it all got ahead of me - still tasted the same and the chewiness was unchanged as well.I happened to make this bunch with some leftover forgotten Multi-Purpose White Bread dough, all in all, doing the same thing as for my Garlic Bread. These can also be made using my fresh basic Multi-Purpose White Bread recipe. However, if you do that, reduce the amount of sugar to about 1/4 of a cup and also tweek the salt amount, down to about a level tablespoon or less. With the fresh bread dough the garlic and sugar do not seem to agree in flavour, so the adjusting is necessary. When using leftover and forgotten bread dough, squirreled away in the fridge for a week, the garlic and sugar flavours don't fight each other, since the dough as you can see below, has begun to ferment (okay, rot) changing the flavour from fresh to tang.

Garlic Bread Twists

• 1 1/2 pounds Multi-Purpose White Bread dough, left to ferment in fridge x 1 week or use fresh with the adjustments mentioned above
  
• 1 tsp. garlic powder
• 1 Tbsp. parsley flakes
• 1 - 2 garlic cloves, minced
• all-purpose flour to knead
  

Here is the nasty bit of bread dough, zip-locked and finally seeing the light of day after a week in the back of the fridge. I used approximately a pound and a half of dough for nine twists.
Add some flour to the work surface and knead the dough until the sticky has fairly much disappeared.
Add a teaspoon of garlic powder, a tablespoon of parsely flakes, and one or two freshly minced garlic cloves.
Knead in the herbs and seasonings until well distributed.
Cut the dough into three equal parts and remember to keep the soft moist interior of the dough to the inside by sort of pinching the outer surface over the inside.
Cut each of the three parts into three parts again. Now you will have nine pieces. If you want skinnier twists, make twelve separate pieces altogether. Nobody says you can't. The bake time will just be a little less, that's all.
Take a piece of dough and roll it out to about a ten to twelve-inch length.
Bring both ends together overlapping slightly.
Roll the joined ends to further make the join stick.
Lay the circle onto the work surface with the sides together. Make a figure eight.
Twist one end and twist the other end.
Lay them onto baking sheets greased with lard, fitting them on however it works. Remember, no Miss Bucky, home ec teacher here, looking for perfection
See, my twists aren't all pretty looking. Place in warmed oven to rise. When puffy, take them out of the oven. Preheat the oven to 400 F and bake them about 15 minutes. If you have made skinnier twists, the bake time will be less. Rotate the pan half-way through, for even baking. Remove and let cool on racks. Hide them in the freezer. These are great with beef and tomato based soups.