Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Meet Sandra

Sandra was this despicable little creature whom Violinist took a liking to. Sandra lived in an aquarium refitted to house a tarantula. At first the aquarium was in Violinist's bedroom lodged between All Creatures Great and Small and A History of the English Speaking People. Sandra lived there entertaining mostly Buff's friends and she was fed every now and then with crickets from the bait shop in Town and other vermin Violinist kept locked up in little plastic bags and trays and boxes. That is until, Decadent Housewife while busily vacuuming and dusting and picking up dirty socks one morning, noticed two hairy legs sticking out from under the aquarium lid and extended over the exterior glass. Instinctively I reached to suck her up but hesitated thinking she might clog the line. I screamed instead, threw a book at the hairy legs and ran from the room slamming the door shut. "Tarantulas can't climb glass, Mom. She'll be safe in here," he had said.

Violinist moved Sandra to the basement, where she hung out all winter until spring when Violinist said, "All spiders like to be outside. I'm taking Sandra outside." So she stayed out of the way on a corner of the deck with a heavy clay pot clumped onto her roof. That is, until Violinist said, "Sandra is molting. Look how beautiful, large and pink she is now. I think Sandra needs some sunshine and socialization." And he began leaving the lid of her aquarium off and I - moi - Decadent Housewife, quit taking coffee break outside and began slipping into Fun's motocross boots every time I went to hang up laundry beneath the deck rafters.

It was one of those times - hanging laundry when I noticed Violinist had forgotten to replace the lid and had gone off somewhere. Sandra was not at home so I screamed. GG came running and said, "Well, she won't make it through winter." This was June. Three days later - there she was - Sandra - very furry and ugly, quite fat, I assume from all her socializing and tautly pointed in my direction. She had come back and stood between me and the door and I shouted and GG came running and I noticed he had no shoes on and I screamed for him to get some shoes on and that's when Sandra made her move and I heard a sickening crunch and GG smushed Sandra into the deck boards. Once. Twice. Grind. The greasy spot she left remained all summer, eventually fading beneath the autumn rains. I confessed to Roll Kuchen how Sandra had met her end, but not to Violinist - until now.
Sorry dear.

14 comments:

ANGLESEY ALLSORTS said...

Oh my! I dont think I could live with a Sandra - in a tank or not!
Vicky x

Patricia said...

Oh...my goodness!!!! Boys!!!! I suppose life would be rather boring without them, though.

Adeena said...

Ack!!

You're freaking me out today. ;)

*shudder*

I think the worst part is poor poor GG having to .. smush .. Sandra in bare feet.

I can't even do that with itty bitty 8 legged freaks. ;)

Mental P Mama said...

I think Sandra would have met her end far sooner than that had she been here with moi.....

Leila said...

There is something WRONG with you, woman!

You put up pictures of spiders on a regular basis, in case you haven't noticed...

EWWWW....

And the smushing....and the...greasy...spots...

EWWWW.....

Pant. Pant. Sob.

Could you take some pictures of mice? Or bats? Or something comforting like white chocolate cheesecake????

Caution Flag said...

I'm a terribly unaccommodating mother in comparison to you. The name, Sandra, will never be the same for me.

Sue said...

My daughter says, "poor Sandra." I, on the other hand, am still shuddering. Eeeeew, eeeeew, ick!

I can't believe anyone could do that with bare feet.

I'm with Leila. Can we see some decadent desserts next? Please!

Gill - That British Woman said...

icky, icky, icky.......there would be NO WAY on earth that would live in this house..........you are one brave woman!!

Gill

GooseBreeder said...

Poor Sandra, so sorry to see a good spider go.

joolzmac said...

What sort of freaking spider was that anyhow? Looked like a cross between a spider and Uncle Itt from the Munsters! I am ready to pass out!

Joolz

Sarah said...

Ugh!! That left me shuddering. I definitely have the heebie jeebies, now.

Bleck! Ick! I get freaked out by teeny tiny eight-legged critters, but a gigantic version? I don't even like seeing them in Pet Stores. I couldn't imagine having one in my house!!

You are a brave person to put up with it as long as you did. ;)

jan said...

OK-that is disgusting. Not the way Sandra met her end, but that she lived with you for that long in the first place. You deserve some sort of medal. We've had our share of pets, but I always drew the line at things with no legs or 8 legs! Yuck!

Decadent Housewife said...

Sorry to have given everyone the willies - moi aussi.

James K. said...

ew that is gross...I though she ran away...