Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Mother of the Groom

I could hardly type that. Mother of the GR...oo...m. Groom. Groom. There. I said it. What the heck happened?! I got married. I had some babies. I showed them how to read. I fed them. I drove them places. I did their laundry. They ate and grew beards. Now, one of the wolves/men in this house has up and decided to get married. There were inklings.

"Mom, you ever heard of DeBeers?" And, "Which jeweler do you recommend, Mom?" Then, "Do you wear Grandma's diamond earrings much?" Next, "Which ring do you like better?" Until this, "What do you think of this ring, Mom?"- upon which he whipped out a crumpled bag shoved into his front jeans pocket and pulled out a diamond ring.
"You just keep that stuffed in your pocket?"
Shrug, "I'm asking her tomorrow."Now I have to find a Mother of the Gr...R RooM. Groom. Dress. Dreadful stuff. Have you taken a look at the offerings for women in this category? I like the Queen, but I don't want to dress like her. And then there is that little saying, "Mutton, Dressed like Lamb." Despairing over the options, the past while I've been distracting myself by nosing around engaged wolf asking little questions like, "What colour are the dresses?"
"I dunno."
"Does the Mother of the Br...Ri,, (there I got it out...almost), have hers?"
"I dunno."
"Would it matter if I wear something long?"
"I dunno."
"Look, I have a permanent record of yours, and each of your brother's gestations right here, on my leg. Does it matter if I wear long?"
"I dunno."
This couldn't have come at a better time in Decadent's life. You see that picture of Decadent to the right? That was just a few years, one mid-life crisis and a pan or two of cinnamon raisin sticky buns ago. So. While everyone else diets, forgoes, lives a life of meal deprivation for reasons of keeping some nebulous New Year's resolution, I, Moi, Decadent Housewife, will slowly turn into a growling, snapping she-wolf attempting to retrieve her youthful form, so posterity does not think, was fat! There, said it.

Last night, while enjoying a cup of steaming black coffee and sliced apple, whilst wrapped in fleecy pajamas in a vain attempt to add comfort factor, I managed to get out of engaged wolf that the girls' dresses will be short, tea-length. "OH my GOODNESS!" I shouted at him, showing my teeth and then flinging out a leg. "I will have to buy BUCKETS, do you hear me?! BUCKETS, of concealer to hide these veins!"
"Relax, Mother of the Bride refuses to go short, too."
Smart woman. Settled. It's long and it's going to be a longer winter.

(Photos cropped from Decadent's own wedding, long ago and far away. Thanks to Max Moran, photographer.)


Patricia said...

Oh, congratulations!!!! I feel your joy and your pain. I truly do. Two of my boys married the same summer - two months apart. The brides and weddings could not have been more different.

As a recovering "mother of the groom", my advice to you (not that you asked) is to decide right now that you won't take anything personally or too seriously, avoid offering suggestions (bad move - trust me), stay flexible, and delight and treasure every moment.

"Do you wear Grandma's diamond earrings much?" cracked me up. I was asked a similar question.

Decadent Housewife said...

Advice welcomed and taken, Patricia. My sis and I did the same thing to our mother...2 weddings, 6 wks. apart. :)

Decadent Housewife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leila said...

Congratulations! I am in the same boat, dress-wise, only I'm M-O-B.
The sad cold hard truth is...they won't be looking at us :)
Now you'll have a daughter!

Decadent Housewife said...

LOL!!! I am SO GLAD, they won't be looking at us!

Yes, a daughter, I've had to wait a long time


Flip Flop Floozie said...

Well i understand your concern..We just do not look like we used too and I think it is never going to happen least not to me..I go to Curves and in fact i need to go there right now..but I feel healthier.
Hey thanks for stopping by on our big day...I LOVE new visitors..
AND OH...You will get through this..I did 2!!

Decadent Housewife said...

Hi Sandy,
Thanks for stopping by. I agree, it sure isn't what it used to be!

Anonymous said...

I am a MOG and don't look or feel ready for this. I am, thankfully, not at all matronly and finding an appropriate, yet wearable MOG dress was a daunting task. Now, I have to find a GMOG dress. (grandma of the gro..o ewww....distracted, what's that...)
Granny is not at all like me. She looks and acts her age. Where can I get a nice GMOG dress? HELP!! (She loves the queen and WANTS to look like her!) Oh, lordy. What shall I do?

Decadent Housewife said...

I feel your pain. I was reading just the other day that Helen Mirren, who played The Queen in "The Queen", is starting a dress line called DWS...Dresses With Sleeves. Not likely in time though for us. Right. After I find the MOG it's the GMOG next. Thanks for reminding me!

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