Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Two Stephens, A Jack and A Gilles

Seems four boys - two Stephens, a Jack and a Gilles are cranking out the pages for themselves in Canadian history books with their antics on Parliament Hill. Mom, I mean...Governor General Michaelle Jean now has to come home to put the house in order again. And where's babysitter Elizabeth May when we need her? She'd get those boys cleaned up...with a recycled biodegradable detergent bottle, or two. Or is she jumping on the bed too? How could four little monkeys create such upheaval? Don't they know that when Mom leaves Town they are supposed to just party but not destroy the house? Two Stephens, a Jack and a Gilles. Just wait till your father gets home! I mean mother.

Gee. I dunno. I'm only the mom of four boys. Sure, messes happen. When they were little, the dishes are always rattling in the cupboards. But they don't rise up to defeat one another. They don't necessarily like each other all the time. They squabble. They occasionally gang up on one another. But in the end, they know we are family and they stick together especially when times are tough. They are usually pretty good at fixing the stuff they break and they cover for each other too when they need to.
Like the time Speedy and Violinist were fighting over a fillet knife and Speedy pulled the knife out of Violinist's hand, slicing open his instrument hand. And Speedy sped inside shouting, "MOM, VIOLINIST IS THROWING UP!" And I sauntered outside to find Violinist pale as a sheet, throwing up indeed but also holding a profusely bleeding hand to which I said, "What's this?" Upon which Buff and Fun thrust a carburetor into my face, "He was trying to clean it!" Recently they confessed the truth. There was no carburetor. Violinist was not cleaning a carburetor with a fillet knife. Noooooo. They thought better. Imagine the mess had I known the truth. Imagine the mess if I'd rushed vomiting profusely bleeding Violinist into emergency reporting, "He and his brother were fighting over a fillet knife. I was unavailable inside the house, uh, buried under some laundry...reading a trashy novel...I think...I can't remember. Look! Are his tendons okay?!? Never mind how it happened. It happened. Are his tendons okay?!"

Instead, this is what happened. "Hi. I have a boy here who thinks that fillet knives are suitable tools for cleaning carburetors. His dutiful brothers warned him not to be so stupid and one of them even ran inside to fetch me, but too late. He's filleted his instrument hand. I've tourniqueted everything I think is important. Thank God it's not his bow hand. Are his tendons okay?!? Are his tendons okay?!?" Upon which the attending nurse, nodded and smiled,"I remember GG from high school. Same thing. Always something happening." And the smirking physician sewing Violinist up added, "My brother and I did a fillet knife thing and with a carburetor too, when I was fifteen. Ha ha ha."
So, it remains to be seen what the Mom/Governor General will do with four very naughty boys. How will this family dispute get settled? A lot of us want to know. Like, a lot of us who just finished electing a government, like back on October 14th? What will Stephen Harper, the man with more kittens than the usual strays he takes in, do to smooth things over? What will the other Stephen, and Jack and Gilles do? Will they take us all for a tumble down the hill with them? Will we have to wait until January for the next episode? Will we get to have another election? Or will the Governor General do the MOM thing and tell them to quit goofing around and get back to work or she'll start throwing out detentions like they do at Buff's high school? Gee, and I was looking forward to a long dull winter.


Patricia said...

My knowledge of Canadian politics is far from current, as I'm still recovering from the fray here, but I did raise 3 boys and love your brilliant and witty slices of life with bundles of testosterone. Blessing on your day, dear one.

Leila said...

What great boys!!
One of my sons got into a "knife fight" too ("showing" a friend his jackknife)-- I was away, OF COURSE. So the hubs didn't have the experience to make something up for the doctor (a new one, not our regular. Someone with NO sense of humor, or boys, for that matter).

"You shouldn't have knife fights," she intones. Duh.

She took the stitches out too soon, by the way. So the scar is there on his thigh anyway.

Humorless AND incompetent. Sniff.

Leila said...

Wait, are two of your boys named Stephen? That would be confusing...

Decadent Housewife said...

Thanks ladies for stopping by. Don't boys just make your heart stop!

The two Stephens are Stephen Harper, Canada's Prime Minister, and Stephane Dion, the leader of the Liberal Party (similar to the Democrats in the U.S.) who wants to be Prime Minister, really, really bad. Jack is Jack Layton, leader of the New Democrat Party (further left than the Liberals) who wants to showcase his socialist skills. Gilles is Gilles Duceppe, the Quebec nationalist leader of the anti-Canada party, Bloc Quebecois, a totally separatist, totally Quebec only, yet federal party seated in the Canadian Parliament. The Bloc's point of existence is to break up Canada but still eat at "home."

The last three guys secretly formed a coalition to knock out our Prime Minister and his minority government, whom we only just RE-ELECTED not even two months ago and apparently they formed this coalition quietly, quite a while ago. The Coalition took their opportunity when Prime Minister Harper presented some belt-tightening measures that the socialists did not like and directly affecting the opposition parties - kept government money out of their pockets. PM Harper backed down and scrapped his budget. Mais, not the Coalition!

Elizabeth May is the leader of The Green Party, a uber-socialist, green theme party - like Greenpeace. She has said in the past she is essentially a watchdog to keep everybody else doing the politically correct thing.

MOM/Governor General is the personal representative of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II to Canada. Yesterday, Prime Minister Harper sought her approval to recess/prorogue Parliament until January 28 on account of this Coalition rising up avoiding a non-confidence vote for this Monday, which would have undoubtedly brought down the government - the one just voted into power October 14th. Her Excellency, Michaelle Jean cut short a trip to Europe to come home and fix this mess. She said yes to prorogation.

The last week and a half in Parliament have been far far worse than a primary classroom full of very, very, VERY badly behaving children - charges of a coup d'etat, sedition, treason. Very nasty, indeed.

When I write, I tend to compare and mix things up with what is going on in the BIG world to what goes on in my own small, insignificant one. It may get a little obscure for those outside Canada. It's confusing enough for us inside Canada.

I may post something more for clarification later today. They sure are giving us enough stuff to write about, and laugh and cry over. My point of the arm-wrestling photo may now make more sense. The coalition is attempting to wrestle power away from the present government. I decided to include a photo of Speedy, Buff, Fun and Violinist to demonstrate their brotherly love and solidarity despite the obvious differences.

I'll go now. :)

Leila said...

Oh wow, I am way out of my depth here. But I am relieved to find out that you did not name two of your boys Steve, because that would mean you were unbalanced. I'm so glad to find that you are not unbal --


Decadent Housewife said...

Leila, You're funny. Actually, they do all share "J" names and two of those names ARE the same but only in different languages. However, the only person ever to point this out to me was my mother-in-law. (She is detail oriented.) So, so much for your assessment of my equilibrium. :) And don't feel bad about Canadian political deep waters. I only figured it out...I think...myself recently.